Wednesday 16 March 2011

THE WEDDING SPEECH

Good evening ladies and gentlemen,
As you know I’m not one for a speech!
Can you hear me alright at the back?
This damn microphone lead won’t reach.

We hired a P.A. for the disco,
But the lead won’t reach over here.
So I’ll shout as loud as I can,
In between sups of beer.

Well, all in all it was a good turnout,
It would have been nice, but for the rain.
The wind blew off the Grooms top hat
And the Best Man dropped the ring down a drain.

But thanks to a passing Policeman,
We managed to retrieve it in time,
But that’s when we noticed our bloomer,
We’d left the Bridesmaids behind.

The Vicar dear chap was quite patient
And performed with a thespians ease,
He’s here tonight at the reception,
So Mother, mind your language please!

Didn’t the page boys look lovely?
And the Bridesmaids a sight to behold.
The photographer’s sorry he left early,
But he got fed up, waiting out in the cold.

Still I’ve brought my Kodak Instamatic
And I’ll be doing the rounds in a while,
To capture this momentous occasion,
So please, all try to smile.

Well thanks for the cards and the presents.
Along with the telegrams.
The Best Man will read them out in a minute,
He’s better at it, than I am.

As I said at the beginning,
I’m not one for a speech,
So here’s to the happy couple,
Good health to one and each.

Tuesday 15 March 2011

CHRISTMAS ON CREDIT

Now that the party is over, now the Christmas pud is all gone,
Now the crackers are pulled and every carol is sung.
Now as we sit within our chairs, our bellies much enlarged,
Let's spare a thought for our friend, the flexi credit card.

The spending spree that heralds Christmas, a must for all mankind,
Would be over sooner, if we paid at the purchase time.
It's easier to overspend when the last thing on your mind,
Is "How will I pay for this?", or something of that kind.

Now the party is over, it's time to face the band,
I could kick myself severely, for spending out of hand.
The banks are thoughtful, they'll never drop you in it,
If you overspend and need more, they'll simply increase your limit.

Beware the perils of spending, money that just aint yours.
Next time Christmas comes knocking, lock yourself indoors.
Do not join the crowds that mingle in the street,
In and out of high street shops, so nimble on their feet.

Eagar to spend the money, the banks so kindly lend,
Only one thing on their minds, spend, spend, spend.
Buying tat that no one wants, that no man should desire,
Another Christmas on credit? now that would be bizarre.